From the days of Poly Styrene and the punk movement, wearing safety pins and rubber and PVC, and singing Oh Bondage Up Yours, the world of submissive and domination relationships have been surprisingly mainstream. In the 1990s, the Queen of Pop Madonna released a whole album of songs that were dedicated to the kinkier side of sex and relationships, with that album, Erotica, being a worldwide smash hit, and the subsequent videos for Justify My Love, Human Nature and Erotica all exploring the world of S&M. Her pop successors Rihanna and Lady Gaga, have also brought S&M, dominatrix and submissive to the pop charts and therefore to the mainstream, and I don’t even think we need to look at the modern day literary phenomenon Mr Christian Grey, and his later film incarnation by Jamie Dornan, to know and understand that this is a world that is no longer hidden and secret, but is now another side to the norm.
If you are in a relationship and want to explore this side of sex and love, or are single, but have an interest in fetish dating there are things that you should have in place. Websites like subs-and-doms.com give you the means to meet like minded people, initially on line, but to ensure that the contact is both safe and enjoyable there are boundaries that need to be set, and guidelines that you need to follow.
Set Your Guidelines First
Before any session you need to set your guidelines of what can and can’t be done to you or your partner. It needs to be crystal clear what limits cannot be crossed under any circumstances.
Ease Into It
As well as setting your boundaries, you need to ease into this sort of relationship slowly, and build up to the levels of submission and domination. For instance, you may not think it is good to wear a blindfold until you have built up to a level of trust without one. If you are looking at using whips, you may want to try these in a softer, fun way before increasing pressure. Ultimately, like all relationships, this is about trust, so you need to make sure this has been mutually built up
Bondage can be fun, but it still needs to be comfortable, Ribbons and ties that cut off the circulation are not conducive to a pleasurable experience. The same is true of blindfolds. Make sure the person who is being binded is comfortable with the level of restraint, if not, change it.
Make Sure This Is What You Both Want
Ultimately in any sort of relationship there has to be a balance of power. Even within a submissive/Domination relationship you should both be happy. If you are feeling forced into things you really don’t want to do, or are feeling unhappy, depressed, or even suicidal, then this is a relationship you need to get out of. This is not a relationship, this is abuse, so make sure you look after your own mental well being.