Raised By Wolves – A coach trip with Caitlin Moran

*Warning – this post is about a coach trip with Caitlin and Caroline Moran, it may contain chat about periods, sex and Wolverhampton – you have been warned.

Raised By Wolves is a new, semi-autobiographical comedy series written by Wolverhampton’s very own Caitlin and Caroline (Caz) Moran. Transported to the modern day, but based on the rather unorthodox childhood of the Moran family, Raised by Wolves is a wry, often hilarious, heart-warming tale of teenage girls growing up disgracefully. The series launches on Channel 4 very soon, and, to celebrate the launch, Caitlin and Caz invited guests on a very special coach trip – a guided tour of the beauty of ‘Wolverhampton’ (I can say that as an adopted Wulfrunian.) Also along for the trip, which went from Wolverhampton train station to the Cineworld at Bentley Bridge, were the stars of the new series, Helen Monks and Alexa Davies, who play Germaine and Aretha.

The Coach Trip was like none that I have ever been on before, with anecdotal stories and hilarious observations about a city that has been much maligned, but is obviously still dear to Caitlin’s heart.

Here are some of the highlights

Chubb Building

‘…I worked as an usherette at the Lighthouse Cinema, and saw Edward Scissorhands 47 times. It became a primary influence of my sexuality, and I could still get into a state of arousal if faced by a man with shears for hands…’

The Prince Albert Statue

‘…The mon on the ose (horse) was Prince Albert and Queen Victoria traveled to see if. But there had been a mistake made with the legs. This was pointed out to the sculptor who then committed suicide. And that, people, is Wolverhampton’s main tourist attraction. ..’ (In fact – this is a myth, you can read more about this here.)

Beatties

‘…Beatties is our Harrods. The poshest place in Wolverhampton…’

The Dorchester Nightclub (now a Casino)

‘…The Dorchester Nightclub had the ‘steps of truth’. This was where you would walk towards the bouncer reciting in your head a date of birth that would make you old enough to get in. You would count backwards in years to get to the right year. (Check out 1997 in episode 5, it’s always 1997!)

The Central Library

My period started in the Central Library. I hid behind a rack of Ruth Rendell and told my dad I had a belly ache. That’s where my menarche began.’ (At this point Caz said we would also pass the place her period had started, and encouraged the coach to guess and shout out where it might be, it turned out to be a local branch of Qwik Save – near the Liquor saver aisle.)

On passing a rather large sex shop

‘…If 50 shades of Grey happened in Wolverhampton, it would be a court case not a trilogy…’

Blunts Shoes

Blunts Shoes was where Caz and I were informed we had flat, fat feet and would never wear pretty shoes and were instead pointed in the direction of a men’s rack. I guess that’s when we knew we would never be pretty girls…’

Eastcroft

‘…Eastcroft is officially the steepest hill in Britain, forget Ben Nevis or Scafell Pike. I know because I had to walk up it every day. Eastcroft is the steepest hill in Britain…’

72 Envil Road, Warstones

‘…My childhood home. (Pointing to an upstairs window), That is where, after finding out my nan had died, I ate an whole Soreen loaf, hung out of the bedroom window singing ‘Yesterday’, and then vomited all over the porch roof…’

Childhood memories

At 11 I applied for a job at Comic Relief and received a really lovely letter from Lenny Henry. It was my prize possession for 5 days until I lost it on the Badger bus to Brewood…’

At this point we had reached our destination, Cineworld, where the popcorn, ice cream and drinks were on ice, waiting for us to be seated for the premiere of ‘Raised by Wolves‘.

In tomorrow’s post – you can read all about the series, and about a very special Q&A session hosted by Adrian Goldberg.

*With thanks to Leslie Land and Channel 4 for the invitation.

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